Thursday, December 17, 2009

The Gross and Disturbing Things Our Children Do

Riding along in the car on the way home from church last Sabbath, I looked in the back seat to see if there were any children falling asleep. Everyone knows that if by some miracle you manage to keep the little ones happy and awake during the entire service someone will invariably fall asleep on the 10 minute ride home and thus wreak havoc on the rest of the afternoon by refusing to finish the nap in their own bed.

Instead of seeing a sleepy tot, I found my youngest with her foot contorted up by her face, contentedly LICKING the snow off of her cute little black church boots.

That's right. Licking.

She's also the one that likes to take off her shoes and socks in the car and lick her hands, then wipe her feet with the spit.

Like a cat.

I finally managed to get her to stop licking her boots but forgot to keep trying to dissuade her from falling asleep. She conked out 2 minutes from home.

The whole thing had reminded me of an incident with her older sister about 7 months ago.

We were out in Washington, visiting family, having a great time one day out hitting the yard sales. All was going well until my little half-way potty trained 3 year old needed a bathroom. We hurried down the hill to the podunk grocery store with the funky yellow lights that supposedly save money but drive everyone NUTS.

Found the bathroom.

It wasn't the worst I'd ever seen, but it was rating right up there with some of the truck stops I've been in.

I quickly helped her with her clothes and held her above the toilet while she peed so both of us could touch as little as humanly possible. Then I stood her up in the very center of the room and told her not to move while I used the facilities.

She was distracted by the full-length mirror on the back of the door.

She began making faces at her reflection.

She slowly inched her way toward the mirror to get a better look at herself.

I stood up, turned around to push the flusher down with my foot, turned back around and just about hurled my lunch all over the place.

There was my beautiful little girl, all dressed up in her perfectly matching outfit, hair nicely done and put up in piggy tails with cute little bows, a squeaky clean face...

LICKING the mirror.

What?! WHY?! Huh???? Oh the GERMS!!!


What on earth possessed her to do that I will never, ever know. Probably the same thing that possessed her at various times to poop in her dresser drawer, the closet, and the little plastic tea pot that went with the set her grandma gave her one Christmas.

It is truly amazing that any of 'em survive childhood.

Or their currently-developing-a-wicked-nervous-twitch-to-go-with-the-gray-hair parents, for that matter.

1 comment:

SKA said...

Lisa, you're a great writer! I can see it all happening in my mind's eye as you describe it!!


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