Friday, November 19, 2010

You Might Be A Mother...


In a tribute to Jeff Foxworthy's "You Might Be A Redneck...", let me introduce you to:

You Might Be A Mother:

If you have ever wondered why your hair is departing from your head like herds of lemmings but your legs look like forests and your eyebrows look like bushes, you might be a Mother.

If you've ever peed on a stick, photographed that stick, scanned that stick, tweaked, retweaked, inverted, and uploaded those pictures to a site called canyouseealine.com, you might be a Mother.

If you've ever been loudly praised for your bowel movements in the Target restroom while a chorus of snickers drifted under the stall doors, you might be a Mother.

If you've ever cleaned "floaties" out of a bathtub, you might be a Mother.

If you've ever spent the night being puked on repeatedly and still gave comfort and kisses while silently gagging, you might be a Mother.

If you've ever used the restroom with a baby on your lap in an airplane lavatory, or with a sleeping baby in the sling on your chest, or with a toddler watching, you might be a Mother.

If you've ever realized that you've been paged ("mom. mom. mom. Mom. MOM. MO-OM!!") for the past 5 minutes straight because you didn't "hear" them, you might be a Mother.

On the other hand - If you've ever "heard" the way-too-quiet silence of a child in another room, you might be a Mother.

If you really, really love Magic Erasers (even if they don't remove permanent marker from cabinets), because you've spent so much time with them, some crayon marks, and the walls of your house, that you've "bonded" you might be a Mother.

If you've ever fed the dog by opening the door to the car and letting her in the back seat... you might be a Mother. (or maybe I should say Father on that one?!)

And finally...

If you've ever wondered how on earth your heart can still beat when it's been chopped into 4 little parts and is running around on 8 little legs outside of your body, you might be a Mother.

8 comments:

Nabila Grace said...

What a splendid list! :o) Ummm yeah I have fallen into a number of those! LOL ;o)

cowartclan said...

You are such a great writer! I get so excited when I see you have a new posting. My life is just one step behind yours with 3 mini munchkins running around. They all hit close to home! Cheers!

Raini said...

I laughed reading these until I got to the last one. Then I cried cause I remember you telling me only minutes after Levi was born that now I would always have a piece of my heart beating outside my body and I understood completely what you ment. I've thought of it countless times since. That was the moment I first felt 100% like a Mama for the first time. I love you blog. Never, ever stop writing.

Anna said...

I love your posts... How about holding one toddler on your lap while your slightly bigger toddler discusses the fact that girls pee out of their butts...

Raini said...

You might be a mother if you filter every word you say through the "do I want this repeated at church?" filter.
Or if you literally cringe when you open a granola bar to find it already broken.
or if you've ever uttered sentences such as "stop sucking on my toe and go bite the dinosaur"
Or find it hard to understand why everyone's schedule doesn't revolve around the glorious hour of nap time.
Or find yourself looking forward to 10 minutes of alone time driving in the car like a 10 anticipating recess.

Lisa said...

OH I LOVE Your additions, Anna and Raini!! Love 'em!

DustieBottoms said...

This is the best thing I've read all day. So very true, each and every one. Thanks for the chuckle. I'm following you (gah, that sounds so stalker-ish lol)

Lisa said...

Thanks, Dustie! I love having stalkers, er, I mean followers! ;)

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