The Cowless Farm

I admit it. I'm new to this whole "farm" thing.

Not that I am new to country life per se, just the farm life. I cut my teeth on chopping wood and climbing mountains, four-wheeling and tree climbing.

Not tractors, horses and enormous gardens, and certainly not whole fields of potatoes.

We'd have loved to have a big garden, but where I come from, pretty much everyone lives on the side of a mountain with rocks and clay for dirt. We had a few fruit trees and a couple of squash mounds on our little almost-an-acre piece of land. But hey! It did have a spectacular view, which was pretty much all anybody wanted out there, anyway.

I never met a horse I liked until I was married. And even then it took me a while to get over how big the creatures were and to not hold my breath as I walked through the barnyard, hoping no one would kick me, bite me, or step on me.

I did eventually get over that and managed to actually enjoy feeding and taking care of the big lugs. 'Cause we really didn't get around to riding them much. Especially after the kids came along. Every time I get on a horse now I think my hips are going to rip apart! Seriously, I have enough of that feeling to deal with when giving birth. It's really not my idea of fun to feel like that while attempting to gain a hobby!

Ah well, maybe some day they'll get me back on a horse. Like maybe after my body glues itself back together. Or maybe after they've given me painkillers beforehand. Or maybe tranquilizers. Who knows. Anything's possible.

Right now we don't have any big critters around. Just a few dogs and and a couple barn cats. I know the day is coming when the kids will begin their chorus of:

"MO-oM!! We want a pony!!!!!"

"Can we have a PONY?! Please please please please????"

"Mom, you and Dad promised on July 29, 2008 that we would someday be able to have a horse to ride and take care of if we could just prove our level of responsibility, and since I have recorded here in this notebook all of the chores and money savings and schoolwork goals that were previously talked about, I believe it is now time to begin the process of looking for the right horse."

That last one would be Joshua in 2 years. He's the lawyer of the family, complete with a memory that misses and forgets NOTHING.

A mind like a steel trap, like some in the family would say.

And then we will sigh and probably begin the process of looking for the right horse.

Right now I'm all about the garden prep and the wonderful possibilities for the garden, an orchard, rows of berry bushes, maybe even a small portion of the field sown with oats or wheat or something, and an artesian well. And maybe a few interim critters to fill the empty barn!

Colby says I'm crazy. I mean, I can hardly keep up with feeding the kids and creatures we have around here now! Poor little Twert is always looking at me with forlorn eyes and following me around until I finally notice he's out of food AND water and has been for who knows how long.

Chickens.

AKA "Shickens". I wouldn't mind having some of them. Lots of farm-type people have chickens.

I could do chickens.

I know nothing about keeping chickens.

But I could learn! Probably the hard way, with some of them eaten by a renegade "Piggy" dog (our Aussie).

But eventually I'd get the hang of it.

I'd probably have stressed out chickens constantly molting 'cause I'd be forgetting to feed them and the dogs would be barking at 'em all day.

Whatever.

Maybe then I ought to go for a couple of cows. We have the pasture for it. Maybe they'd eat the horrid Russian thistle out there. Maybe I shouldn't suggest that until I know if it's poisonous for them or not. Hmm.

At least cows seem to be pretty laid back. I can't see them getting all molty if the dogs are barking at them.

But you know, on second thought, I don't think I'll have cows.

Cows can be pretty disgusting.

At least the cows down the road from us can. Maybe those ones are seriously too far inbred or something. Oh, I know, mad cow's disease. Or Hoof-In-Mouth! Maybe that's it.

What other explanation can you come up with for cows that think when one of their buddies is relieving her bladder it's a warm, yellow drinking fountain?!

UGH!!!

Yeah. No cows here.

Anyone have a goldfish they'd like to sell me?