My son

Tonight I think my son stole the very heart of Jesus.
"Dear Jesus, thank you for this day. Bless Momma and Daddy, and Grandma and Grandpa, and Auntie and Uncle Travis.", he prayed. Yesterday and today he has repeated after me some very simple prayers, blessings before meals, but this is the biggest prayer by far! When I took him to bed and tucked him in, I said, "Let's say prayers! Dear Jesus...", and his little eyes lit up as he began to repeat, "Dear Jesus..." It just hit me so powerfully: he's not just a baby, a small helpless child. He is a soul.

As if Momma wasn't emotional enough about Joshua loosing his tooth, the next day he climbed out of his crib twice, so we brought up his toddler bed. Add a couple of blankies, a Tractor pillowcase, and Joshua was quite happy. So last night he spent his first night in his Big Boy bed. Why are they so determined to grow up whether we're ready for them to or not?! August 17, 2005. 

The hillbilly look. Living up to the name "Toad". August 17, 2005. 

Here you can see right where the missing tooth used to be! :( ...*sniffle*... August 17, 2005. 

Here is Joshua's first missing tooth! His perfect little left front tooth was knocked out on Tuesday when the chair he was in fell over backwards. He was bleeding from his mouth and I thought at first he'd bitten his tongue or lip, but when I looked I saw that there was a tooth completely gone! As you can see, the whole tooth was knocked out, not broken off. The first dentist we talked to said "Put it back in!" So we did, which wasn't very fun for anyone. But the dentist also recommended we talk to a Pediatric Orthodontist. This guy said that it would not regrow it's nerve, so it would be a dead tooth, and most likely a source of infection for him. So we took it back out, though he could be showing a toothless grin to us until he's 7! Then we gave him children's tylenol and a quarter, went to see the horses at the fair, and he was "all better". Momma, however, was traumatized for the rest of the day! Photo taken at home, August 17, 2005. 

One of the trucks running the coarse for the last time! There was one truck this year that went over that first one and landed nose down on the second one and rolled right over on its top. The passenger was okay, the driver crawled out and walked away on his own, but when checked out by the EMTs went in the ambulance down the road. August 10, 2005. 

The running of the goats! They go out and get their exercise running back and forth in the arena every evening. Or, at least some get their exercise. Then there are the stubborn old nannies who have to be pushed along by their little owners, or chased by the hoary old billy goats, which worked, too. This is what Joshua and I did during the Tough Truck competition. We got to the grandstands almost an hour early and got good seats, but at the first sight of a truck going over a high burm, our son burst into hysterical tears! It was kind of comical at first, how seriously he was taking it, but when he wouldn't be consoled and couldn't be convinced that everyone was okay, we left and walked around the fair. Colby and I took turns watching the trucks run the course. And as long as Josh was outside the wall and couldn't see what was going on he was fine. Poor little Toad! Maybe next year! August 10, 2005.  

Rebel feeling a little crazy in the early morning haze. August 10, 2005 

Our yard in the fullness of summer. The sun gets very hot, but the Walnut trees have wonderful shade beneath them. It helps redeem them for their being completely bare for 2/3 of the year. August 9, 2005. 

My little boy is growing so fast! He really enjoys his sandbox, and his "dump-gruck and dirt"! August 9, 2005. 

Expecting # 2

Loving Two

I walk along holding your 2-year-old hand, basking in the glow of our magical relationship. Suddenly I feel a kick from within, as if to remind me that our time alone is limited. And I wonder: how could I ever love another child as I love you?

Then she is born, and I watch you. I watch the pain you feel at having to share me as you've never shared me before. I hear you telling me in your own way, "Please love only me." And I hear myself telling you in mine, "I can't," knowing, in fact, that I never can again.

You cry. I cry with you. I almost see our new baby as an intruder on the precious relationship we once shared. A relationship we can never quite have again.

But then, barely noticing, I find myself attached to that new being, and feeling almost guilty. I'm afraid to let you see me enjoying her--as though I am betraying you.

But then I notice your resentment change, first to curiosity, then to protectiveness, finally to genuine affection. More days pass, and we are settling into a new routine. The memory of days with just the two of us is fading fast. But something else is replacing those wonderful times we shared, just we two. There are new times--only now, we are three.

I watch the love between you grow, the way you look at each other, touch each other. I watch how she adores you--as I have for so long. I see how excited you are by each of her new accomplishments. And I begin to realize that I haven't taken something from you, I've given something to you. I notice that I am no longer afraid to share my love openly with both of you. I find that my love for each of you is as different as you are, but equally strong.

And my question is finally answered, to my amazement. Yes, I can love another child as much as I love you--only differently. And although I realize that you may have to share my time, I now know you'll never share my love. There's enough of that for both of you--you each have your own supply.

I love you both, and I thank you both for blessing my life.

(This was something shared on an online message board.)

"Trinket" in a paper bag. She's our new baby kitty! Aug 3, 2005. 

My newest batch of vegetable from my garden! The pepper fell off during the storm. And my cucumbers are finally starting to produce. August 3, 2005. 

The house has walls! August 3, 2005. 

Joshua's favorite tool - the "back-o trat-ter". At the jobsite. Aug.3, 2005. 

Joshua out in the yard today, August 2, 2005. It was up to 92 degrees today and we went swimming up where Colby has been building a garage. I think it was Big Twin Lake. I thought I had a swim diaper with me, but it turned out I'd grabbed a Pull-Up and soon it was huge and about as heavy as he is, so then he became naked Toad and so that's how he swam the rest of the time! He loves the water very much (as long as you don't get his head wet!), and doesn't have any fear of it at all, wading out until he can hardly touch the bottom. August 2, 2005. 

Angie's wedding. It was a really nice service, very Christian. They had two ministers, one who did the vows, one who did the "Salt Covenant". I'd never heard of that before, but it's an interesting concept, you should look it up and read about it when you have time. I didn't take any pictures of the reception because it was very poorly lit (for pictures at least, the atmosphere was nice). They had a lovely chocolate fountain and home-brewed root beer. The bridesmaid on the far left is the grooms daughter. July 30, 2005.  

Here's a picture of Angie's wedding. I thought her dress was really pretty. July 30, 2005. 

Joshua "talking" on the phone. He has pretty eyes, with my long eyelashes. Cute kid, huh? July 21, 2005. 

What a look! He doesn't really appreciate getting his hair washed! His eyes are so dark you'd think they were brown! His personality is so much like his dad's. Strong, terribly independent, not driven by emotion, intelligent, and extremely observant! July 21, 2005. 

This picture is a little blurry, but it just reminds me so much of how Josh looks like Papa. From the nose up he has distinctive Jenkins features, but like all Jenkins men, the mouth and chin, and somewhat the shape of the eyes takes after the mother's side of the family. This was at Raini's house July 21, 2005. 

This is my down comforter that I bought at a yard sale for $15. The walls look really dark here, but they're the same color as the other picture! July 29, 2005. 

This is what color I painted my bedroom! It's called Lily Pond Dusk. The room used to be white, with dark green trim and doors. July 29, 2005 

The inside of the chest is all lined with cedar. It smells so good! July 29, 2005 

This is the chest that Bruce (Colby's grandpa) made for my birthday. July 29, 1005