Thursday, July 21, 2011

Lisa One-Shorts


As some of you may remember, I'm not on speaking terms with my thighs.

In between that post and now there has been the baking and recovering from baking a new baby, but trust me when I say the status quo has not changed.

In fact, I went another 2 years without buying a second pair of shorts for myself. Of course, it wouldn't have done me much good to have a nice new pair of shorts last year when what I needed was maternity shorts, but still. Another two years of owning just ONE pair of shorts.

Are you wondering how someone who hoards owns bins AND bins of little girls' clothes (they NEED 26 summer church dresses, right?!) could neglect something so... basic... for herself?! Yeah, me too.

Especially when it has been so stinkin' hot that I can hardly think straight, let alone wear jeans all day. And no, we don't have central a/c to keep the sanity going strong around here. It's too bad, we could really use it.

I'd like to say 'I' could use it, but let's face it: it would really be more for the FAMILY. You see, when it gets humid and the thermometer climbs above 80, everything I like to believe about myself goes right out the window. I like to think I'm patient, a loving mother, a kind person, etc. etc, etc.

Not true. Any of it. The minute I start sweating while sitting still in the shade, I turn into Mr. Hyde and Dr. Jekyll is nowhere to be found until the temperature creeps back down into the 70's.

Considering the temps have been above 85 for the last 8 days, it has been a trying week at the farm. We've spent a lot of time at the lake. It seems that even on those days I've managed to not bite any heads off or spontaneously combust, there is this witching hour starting about 5:30 that just tips me over the top for heat tolerance and we throw our stuff in the car and jet on down for a quick dip in the lake before mommy explodes.

girls in the sunset

Sounds reasonable, right? Pleasant, even?

Why yes, yes it is. I enjoy the lake so very much that sometimes I can almost convince myself that God put it there just especially for me to take advantage of and enjoy on these days of near despair. Even on those drearier days when you don't want to dive in, if you just take a drive all the way around it you can go from feeling poor and miserable to feeling like you've just gone on a tropical vacation. The water is the most exotic Caribbean blue you've ever seen this side of the... um... uh, yeah, this side of the Caribbean.

my son

And then there comes a day when you've been to the lake several days in a row to snatch that moment of sanity in the late evening and you find yourself standing in the same place on the beach, at the same time of day, and in the very same pair of shorts you've worn, oh, at least 3 days in a row on this beach excursion. The ritual is the same every time: change into swimsuit, put on shorts and top over it, drive to beach, take off shorts and top and go swimming, wear the towel home and change into pajamas after a quick shower. You see, when you only have one pair of shorts you don't want to get that one pair WET by swimming in them or wet on the way home so the utmost care is taken to prevent this wretched inconvenience.

And somehow you forget that THIS time you were in such a hurry that you didn't want to take the time to change into your still damp swimsuit.

And before you know quite what has happened, as the kids splash and play at the edge of the water, you find yourself staring down at the shorts laying on the ground and wondering why it somehow feels... different... this time to be taking off the shorts. I mean, there's a swimsuit there and all, and going for a swim, and next thing I'm going to do is take off the tank top and.....

... and then I'll just be wearing my skivvies?!?!


Quick check - yep, no swimsuit, reefed my shorts back on where they belonged and silently thanked God over and over that we were, somehow, miraculously, the ONLY people on the beach!

Two days later I was at the store trying on shorts and brought home TWO new pairs.

Yep, true story.

You see, the way I figure it, I MUST laugh at myself (and lead y'all with me!). If you take yourself too seriously pretty soon you are the only one in that camp because everyone else just sees a pretentious, head-in-the-clouds, out-of-touch boor.

Oh yes, hearing the collective chuckles at my expense is much, much better than being a pretentious boor! ha ha ha!

evie and mommy
Okay, not the best pic of me, but who can resist that sweet little smile of that cutie pie next to me?!


Raini said...

ROTFL. Whoopsie. But you're right, Torch is a little bit of heaven.

Raini said...


Rachel said...

Your stories are always so funny. Love the pictures at sunset. Did you take the one of yourself? Good for you buying shorts. I just did that myself. Now I have 3 pairs of ill fitting shorts. I'm planning on looking for a pair that FITS on Sunday. We'll see...

Lisa said...

Yep, I took that pic of myself, that's why it's such an awkward angle, lol! Good luck finding shorts, not an easy task, that's for sure!


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