Tuesday, October 13, 2009


I was minding my own business, driving home today, coming down a long sloping hill, rounding a corner, slowing down for the stop at the intersection with a busy road when I saw something that made my heart do flip-flops.

There was a police car, parked at an odd angle at the bottom of the hill, still partly in the road. An officer stood beside the car, looking a little... uncomfortable... or something.

What's going on here,
I thought, was there an accident? Why isn't he directing traffic or something instead of just standing there? Yes, I'm terribly impatient on the road. I think there should be Public Service Announcements on the tv instead of commercials so we can remind everyone how to drive since it's obviously been a LOOOONG time since Driver's Ed for some people.

I slowed the car down to a crawl, trying to determine where I was supposed to go and whether or not I was about to get detoured 7 miles out and around to the next road that leads home.

And then I saw him.

Another man, dressed in dark clothes, POINTING something at the officer! He was backing slowly away from the officer, disappearing behind some bushes in the ditch.

Oh, Lord, it's a BAD GUY! Good grief, is he about to shoot the officer?! I glanced back at the officer, who was reaching down toward his hip.

Oh my goodness!!! He IS going to shoot him!!! Ahh!!! What do I do?! Should I run over the bad guy?! I have new tires, I'm certain I could go down through the ditch and run him over before he knew what happened. Wait. I have kids in the car. Bad plan. Bad plan! Good mothers do not take their children into the cross-fire of a police officer/bad guy shoot out! Okay. Well, I think I'll just stop the car right here in the middle of the road. And then if the cop gets shot I can call 911 and be a good witness.

Now what was that guy wearing again? Well, at least I know where I am. That's a start. And the officer has brown hair. Hmm.. I don't think the prosecution is going to be happy with my limited knowledge.

Wait. I have a dead cell phone. This won't work! Why am I carrying around a dead cell phone?! Sheesh!!! Time to get a car charger already!!

Okay. New plan. If the bad guy shoots the cop, I'll just run over the bad guy! There! Problem solved. Neutralize the bad guy. That's what you're supposed to do, right?

So, maybe I've been watching too many cop shows lately on Netflix. Gotta love those Netflix. No late fees.. no hassle... you can watch a whole season in a weekend... You know, maybe that whole marathon cop show thing is a little tiny bit overkill. Between that and facebook I keep having these dreams where I'm escaping from desperately dangerous situations or apprehending the perps with my partner officer who just happens to be someone I went to grade school with and haven't seen in 20 some years. Hmm...

Wait. What is the officer doing NOW?! He's looking at me. Why is he looking at me? HELLO! YOU HAVE A BAD GUY WITH A GUN ON YOU!! Look that way! Maybe I'll point. Or not. That might look like I have a gun, too, and that would really be bad.

Huh. Is his hand on his holster... or on his HIP? Oh. Oh wait, now he's WAVING at me. Great. Now he's been taken hostage and he's doing what the bad guy is telling him and luring us down the hill so we can be hostages, too.

Bad move. Me and my kids, HOSTAGES?! Not on your life! Sorry, Mr. Officer, but now I'm going to have to run you over, too.

As the officer continued to wave at me, trying to motion me down the hill and onto the other road, the bad guy stepped forward from behind the bushes to reveal his gun..er... Camera?


My bad.

Guess I'll just mosey on down the hill now.

Maybe I'll write a letter to the Police Station suggesting they find more appropriate places to take pictures of their newly promoted officers. Really. Give a girl a heart attack, whydon'tcha?

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